Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
