Pants 0. Shit 1.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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