Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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