I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize