Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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