Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
