Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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