Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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