your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
