This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
