Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
