He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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