Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
