i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
FUCK WHALES
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
