I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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