Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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