whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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