You work out of a Hotel?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
