He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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