That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
