He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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