is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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