U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
