He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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