If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
