she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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