fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
