are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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