Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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