I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
