i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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