You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I need to align my fucking chakras
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
