I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
