I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
