Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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