from now on my penis is your penis
one might say we're banned from that church
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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