im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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