He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Life is so much better after having sex.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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