Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
