Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
