one might say we're banned from that church
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i now understand why vodka
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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