dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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