ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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