I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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