It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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