she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
