Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
