Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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