If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
