we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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