Do you still have your period?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
