Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
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