I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
