Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You made out with two different species that night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
