I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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