how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
