There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
