Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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