went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
