you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
